Neutralize the incident to prevent further escalation or injury. Separate the children, if necessary, or remove the object of the conflict. Preschool- and kindergarten-age children still think of themselves first and lack control over their emotions.
Recognize and acknowledge the feelings and viewpoints of each child in the conflict. Tell them you are going to help them learn how to solve conflicts on their own.
Ask one child to tell you what happened and how she feels about it. Encourage the use of "feeling" words, such as mad, sad and afraid. Tell the second child what the first child told you. Help him repeat to the first child what she said and to tell her how he feels about what she said. You are gathering information and letting each child be "heard."
Summarize what the children told you in your own words using language they understand. Tell the children that it is fine to feel a certain way, but it is not OK to act out, hurt others or yell. Evaluate whether one of the children habitually acts in a particular way that causes or regularly provokes conflict. Be aware of children who give in to other children rather than face or resolve conflict.
Ask the children, one at a time, how they think the problem should be solved. With emotions diffused, they may mutually agree on a solution. Guide them to an answer without making it appear to be your solution.
Observe the children as they return to an activity. Be alert to the need for another intervention. Praise the children for their efforts to resolve the conflict.
Model the skills you want the children to learn. Treat them with the same respect you want to receive.