Be direct. This is the number one rule of communication. So many of us are people pleasers or are so caught up with manners that we have trouble saying what we think or feel. The result is that we don’t get our point across, don’t get our needs met or, most often, feel unheard. Yet, it is possible to be direct without being rude or inconsiderate and it’s a good idea, too. The alternative is that by avoiding directness, you could become resentful, leading to a blowup or a personal pity party.
Be honest. Honesty needs little justification, so suffice it to say that honest communications are the only route to authentic relationships.
Stay in the moment. When speaking with someone, try as much as possible to stay in the moment rather than trying to plan what you’re going to say next. If you stay present, you have the opportunity truly to hear someone. You’ll have you’re turn to speak.
Make eye contact and remain mindful of your body language. Sometimes we forget how much we communicate with our eyes and our bodies, yet every move you make sends a message. Look people in the eyes when you speak with them. Be conscious of physical signs of hostility such as eyeball rolling and arm crossing.
Remember that listening is even more important than speaking. This is the hardest lesson for most people, as most of us are so eager to get our thoughts out, as if they are so important the other person cannot live without them. However, you’ll find much more success with communication if you stop talking and simply listen. The person you are talking with will likely appreciate the chance to complete his or her points and just might grant you the same courtesy when it’s your turn to speak. If you’re concerned that listening will make you forget your points, listen anyway, because a forgotten point likely wasn’t a very important point.
When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kindness. Unless you are in a debate, it is not usually important to be right. If you believe it is, pay attention to how you feel after you’ve sacrificed kindness for rightness when interacting with others. You might find that you don’t feel so good, despite “winning” an argument or proving someone else wrong. Next time, choose kindness.
Lay down your verbal weapons before every conversation. We all have the power to hurt one another with our words, and the better you know someone, the more power you have (if they let you, that is). However, using unkind words to win or hurt someone will do nothing to advance your relationship with them. It's easier said than done, but with practice, you’ll get there.
Strip off your armor. You laid down your weapons; now lay down your armor, too. Defensiveness will prevent you from being able to listen to what the other person is trying to communicate with you. A defensive person cannot let the words come through and is often so busy interrupting or formulating a defense, that he or she hears very little that the other person is saying to them.
Leave the past in the past. The past is what it is. It doesn’t matter if you are trying to show a pattern or, worse, throw misdoings in someone’s face to win or make them feel guilty. The past is not relevant. Leave it where it is and focus on the present conversation.