Set aside a specified time to meet and talk. Make an appointment with your spouse or partner to discuss whatever issue is bothering you. Give your spouse or partner at least 30 minutes of lead time before sitting down to discuss with them the important topic. That way, he or she has a chance to mentally and emotionally prepare for the discussion.
Avoid interruptions. If you have to, turn your phone off, close your door, or put a “do not disturb” sign on your door knob. It is important for you and your partner to be focused on one another and not outside disturbances that may interrupt either person’s train of thought. There will be problem solving, decision making, and expressing of each person’s feelings. Outside interruptions can often lead to frustration, which can lead to an argument.
Limit the discussion time. Cap the discussion time at 20 minutes. You should only need 20 minutes to discuss the issue at hand. If it seems like it should be longer than 20 minutes, then you probably aren’t prepared for the discussion. To prepare, you need to have goals for your conversation and know what you want to say to the other person. Do not cloud your conversation with negative feelings or remarks. Be concise and to the point.
Don’t call the other person names. You want to focus on solving an issue, not attacking the other person in the conversation. Name calling will lead to an argument. When you name call, you are probably frustrated and have lost focus on the purpose of the conversation.
Don’t use loud voices. Using loud voices can put the other person on the defense and lead to an argument. Make it a rule that if the room door is open and another person can hear and understand what you are talking about, you are being too loud. Loud voices will also lead to arguments, so keep your voices down.
Talk about yourself. Only use the word “you” when you are sharing your thoughts and feelings in the discussion. If you start pointing out things about the other person, he or she will stop listening and begin thinking of a way to defend him or herself, which will ultimately lead to an argument. Be responsible about what you can change about yourself, and don't focus on changing the other person.
Limit your discussion to one topic. Focus on one issue at a time. If you have something else to discuss, make another appointment with your spouse or partner. Focus your energy on solving the problem at hand. Bringing in other issues to the conversation is tiresome and often leads to confusion and frustration. Confusion and frustration can lead to an argument.