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Activities on Boundaries for Children

We set boundaries, or commonly called, personal boundaries, to protect and take care of ourselves. By setting personal boundaries, we will be able to build healthy relationships. "It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. . . . It is impossible to learn to be loving to ourselves without owning our self - and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives," says Mr. Robert Burney, author of "Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls."
  1. Writing down the positive

    • Have children write down five to ten ways in which they wish to be treated. By having them think of the fair/acceptable ways of treatment, they will be able to think about the unacceptable ways of treatment to them (not to other people in general or other specific people). It is usually easier to assess pleasant experiences fairly than unpleasant ones, which will help them acknowledge in a fairer sense what kind of treatment is unacceptable.

    Writing down the negative

    • Have children write down five to ten ways in which they do not wish to be treated. The list of examples of fair and/or acceptable treatment as a reference ready, they should be able to think of the unfair and/or unacceptable ways they deserve to be treated. Some children may think they deserve "special treatment/accommodation" which will result in a form of manipulation. It is important for activity facilitators to understand that "setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation . . . The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."(Mr. Burney)

    Dividing children into groups

    • Divide children into small groups of three to five. Group work enables the children to move more readily from receiving knowledge to generating knowledge. Through talk, they are able to personalize this knowledge and scaffold their thinking processes and understandings. Forming small groups is the way to not only to ensure the children's active participation, but also to make it easier for them to voice their personal feelings and opinions.

    Practice of saying no

    • Have a child show his or her list of ways of mistreatment created in step 2 to other members of the group. Have one of other children make a scenario to treat the child the ways written on the list. The activity facilitators must be sure that the child who plays a role to mistreat the other child will not go beyond moderation. The child who takes a role of saying no is encouraged to explain why the treatment is not acceptable to him or her. Have other children take turns. Make sure that the children understand that it is important to take responsibility for how they allow others to treat them. Have other children in the group take notes on who did well in saying no and why they think so.

    Let them know

    • Have the children present the notes on who they think did well and why first within the groups, and later as a whole class. First, let them discuss in a group the other children's notes and have them prepare for a classroom presentation of how they should have others treat them and how setting personal boundaries can help build healthy relationships. To help them think of the latter, encourage the children to imagine the situations where boundaries are often violated by their friends.

    Conclusion

    • Conclude the activity after the classroom presentation. Cite a few insights that have been arisen during it. Make sure that the children understand that it is important to let others know how they feel out loud in order for their needs to be fairly treated to be met. Nobody is a mind-reader.

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