Before you go to the conference, ask your child if there's anything she would like you to discuss. You are, first and foremost, your child's advocate. If your child has trouble with a particular teacher, feels anxious in school or is being bullied, the teacher-parent conference is the time to bring this up. Avoid being accusatory; instead, express your concerns without assigning blame and ask what you can do to remedy any concerns your child has. Some schools encourage students to attend all or part of a parent-teacher conference. If this is the case at your child's school, spend some time talking about what he plans to say and what questions he intends to ask prior to the conference.
Even if your child gives you regular updates about what she's doing in school, use the conference as an opportunity to get more information. Discuss the structure and content of each class, and ask the teacher about academic goals for the quarter or semester. Discuss how grades are assigned and weighted. For example, in some classes, participation is a major component of grades, while in other classes, grades are based solely on test and project scores. If you know how grades are assigned, you'll be better equipped to understand any problems your child has at school. Ask your child's teacher not only about her grades, but also about your child's overall academic progress. A "C" in math might be good progress for a child who was previously failing, so encourage your teacher to give you historical as well as current information on your child, and examine the big picture.
Ask the teacher about your child's academic strengths and weaknesses, and share your own insights. For example, if the teacher says your child doesn't participate in class, it can be helpful to mention that your child is shy. Then ask the teacher about strategies for helping your child move past this challenge. The conference is an opportunity to share information rather than just receive it, so if there's anything you think the teacher should know -- such as your child's strengths and interests, her hobbies or her fears -- share it with your child's teacher.
Your child's social development can affect her academic performance, and children in middle school often develop highly charged relationships. A child who is bullied may struggle in school, and a child who feels accepted in school will be better-equipped for academic success. Ask your child's teacher if your child is making friends and how well she gets along with other kids. If your child has any relationship or family issues outside of school -- such as a parent's divorce, a mentally ill sibling or a recent death in the family -- share this information with the teacher.
Perhaps your most important role during the parent-teacher conference is to learn what you can do to improve your child's school performance and overall adjustment. Ask the teacher directly what you can do to help your child. Perhaps he needs more homework supervision or help with school projects. It's also important to emphasize to the teacher what you think might help. After all, you know your child best. If there's an effective behavior-management strategy you use at home, share it with the teacher.