Teach your middle school child to walk, speak and sit with confidence. Children who act confident are less likely to be bullied. Practice coaching your child in walking confidently. Offer such helpful advice as, "stand tall." or "bigger steps." Offer praise when your child displays confidence. Teach your child to speak with confidence. Tell him to not whine or sound aggressive when speaking to others; use a positive voice when asking to play with others. Teach your child how to tell a bully what he doesn't by saying, "stop! I don't like that!" in a strong assertive voice that will work when standing up to a bully.
Show your middle school child how to avoid being bullied. Pretend to be a bully and stand in the hallway looking for someone to bully. Teach your child to walk a safe distance around the bully. Show your child how to avoid the bully if she speaks. Show your child how to respond with such positive assertive phrases as, "I can't stop now" and "see you later" while walking away. Teach your child that stepping out of a line or changing seats on a bus, at lunch or in the class is sometimes the best option for avoidance.
If the bully is persistent, teach your middle school child to tell friends and as many adults as possible about it. Have your child keep a journal and make notes of the dates, times and incidents. If you think your child is being bullied and is not telling you, show him you are willing to listen and that you care about his problems. Show you want to help him by remaining clam and saying such positive phrases as, "I hear you might be having a hard time at school. It looks like it makes you unhappy. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Tell me more about what happened." Praise your child for telling you when bullying occurs and assure him that you will work out a solution together.
Some middle schools tolerate bullying to some degree. If no one at your child's school is responding to the bullying issue and your child's health is at stake, enroll your child in self-defense lessons. Learning self-defense makes children feel more secure and in control,, thus boosting their confidence. This alone might be enough to stop the bullying. If not, decide as a family where you draw the line at bullying. Make the rules clear to your child: "If the bully pushes you walk away, if the bully hits you (any of these places), use your self-defense skills to protect yourself." Then warn the school in writing that you will stand up for your child if they punish him for using self-defense in this situation.
If you suspect your middle school child is bullying other children at school, look for the cause. Many bullies feel that they are a victim because of something that happened to them. For these children, bullying smaller, weaker children is a preventative coping mechanism that allows the bully to avoid feeling hurt by the actions of others. Bullies often have low self-esteem. Sometimes the cause of this is physical or verbal abuse from parents or other family members. Punishing a bully physically or with verbal insults only reinforces the bad behavior. If your family is having trouble at home, get help. Seek counseling or social skills training to evaluate choices and think about consequences. Don't accuse or insult, talk about your feelings and fears in a productive and healthy environment.