Phrase instructions positively. Rather than telling children not to do something, tell them what they should do – and be specific. Instead of telling children “don’t run,” tell them to “walk.” Instead of telling a shy or angry child to “use his words,” tell him what words to use.
Replace instructions with questions and suggestions that help children find amiable ways to resolve difficult situations once they have become familiar with their classmates as well as the class rules and routines. As children develop better social skills, encourage them to resolve their own conflicts.
Describe children’s behaviors and praise good behaviors. For example, after a child independently demonstrates a targeted pro-social behavior, acknowledge what the child did, let him wear a coveted necklace or crown, and encourage him to tell his classmates what he did to earn the recognition.
Pair children with their friends when the pro-social task is new or difficult – for example, sharing a favorite toy. Children learn faster and perform better when they are with their friends. Once children can share, compromise, and cooperate with a friend, they are more willing to do so with other children in the class. After a task is mastered, pair competent children with less competent ones to encourage mentoring and widespread pro-social behavior.
Give less competent children many opportunities to interact with other children. For example, teachers might ask children who do not socialize well to pass out and collect materials, greet children as they come to class, and give newcomers a tour of the facility. Games such as Follow the Leader build self-esteem. Allow children to select their own leaders through a process that affords everyone a chance to lead.
Tell stories in which the characters are faced with difficult social situations similar to ones encountered frequently in the classroom. Discuss and model how the characters solved the situations, and how their experiences apply to the children in the classroom. Create similar situations with puppets, dolls, and stuffed animals – and have the children role play the solutions. The solutions should involve concrete strategies -- for example, how a child might get his classmate’s attention by looking at the classmate, tapping him on the shoulder, and then calling his name.
Ask children to draw examples of themselves engaged in pro-social behaviors with their classmates. Post these drawings, along with commercial posters on the topic, at children’s eye level and in areas where interactive behaviors are expected.