Self-defeating thinking might arise at home, in the classroom or even in the school yard. Yet, if a child's thought process is exercised to replace negative thoughts with strong positive responses, the child’s brain might actually draw a new map into positive messages, according to child psychologist Steve Richfield. To exercise this technique, parents might encourage a child to say, "I can do it" rather than "I can't do it.” Also, set realistic goals for the child, with smaller goals leading to larger ones.
You can ask a child to use their imagination, sitting quietly and visualizing something they did well, while the parent validates the positive feelings connected with the visualization. Many professional athletes use visualization before taking the field and actors use it before walking onstage. A child can use the ability to visualize a successful spelling test, for example, to build self-confidence and develop the social skills of triumph rather than dread. Richfield says visualization develops positive attitudes and establishes sensory memories.
Parents often want an easy fix when a child is responding with a negative thought. For example, a child might say, “I hate math; I am stupid,” and his parents respond, “You’re not stupid, you shouldn’t feel that way.” However, child psychologist Tamar Chansky advises not downplaying the child’s emotions and instead, listening and empathizing with the child’s issue and trying to switch perspectives by asking the child to tell how a friend or favorite hero would see the situation.
Sharing personal experiences can also help a child look at their circumstances differently. For instance, you might share a story about how it took four times to pass your driving test and earn your driver's license. Using humor to explain that you were so scared your hands shook on the steering wheel, for example, might help the child relate to their own experiences of anxiety. It is important to teach a child that sometimes obstacles take time to overcome and it is a normal part of life to face disappointments.