Etiquette is not abject obedience, which teaches children only about power. Etiquette is about learning empathy and respect for others. Teachers, counselors and administrators responsible for teaching etiquette need to be mindful that school children are more influenced by the example of adults than they are by words. Adults in school need to be as scrupulous about basic etiquette with each other as they demand students to be with one another. Moreover, adults need to show the same respect to children they expect from children. Adult behavior in school is a pedagogical performance.
Etiquette is culturally influenced and variable. School is where many cultures are likely to merge, creating the possibility of misunderstanding. Adults in the school need to be aware of and sensitive to cultural differences. One culture may associate eye contact with sincerity and lack of eye contact as evasion. Another culture might find direct eye contact offensive on a first meeting or with an elder. The basics that are universal are recognition and respect. Do not take without asking. Do not open without knocking. Say please. Say thank you. Say excuse me when it is appropriate. Arrive on time to show respect for the time of others. Do not interrupt. Do not disrupt collective activities.
Drill children on the rules when they are young, and make it pleasurable to do so. Use songs, stories, poems, skits and games to teach and reinforce etiquette. There are many Web resources on etiquette at each grade level that teachers can access. Ritualizing certain protocols, such as greeting each student each day with a handshake and an exchange of "How are you today? Fine, thank you -- how are you?" Make corrections in etiquette brief and uncritical. Humiliating a child during a correction does not provide positive reinforcement, nor does it set the right example.
Catch children doing things right. Be explicit about behavioral expectations as often as necessary, and when children meet those expectations, praise them publicly. This reinforces etiquette for the praised child and all the children watching him. "Praise in public, punish in private" is a sound formula. Corrections for bad behavior should be done in private, and emphasize explanation, not castigation. Point out that etiquette is about treating others the way you want to be treated. Most importantly, when you--the adult--break one of the rules, admit it promptly and apologize sincerely. This, too, is an important example.