Children vary in their abilities to solve problems. Children around the age of 3 or 4 will need adult supervision and guidance to learn the skills while older children might only need reminders and hints from adults. Start by teaching the child how to identify the problem. For example, if a child wants a toy that another child is currently playing with, the problem the child faces is how to get the toy. Parents should ask the child questions like, "What do you want?" or say, "I can see you want that toy," to help the children recognize the problem. A parent could then ask the child to come up with ideas for getting the toy. For older children, parents can remind them to stop their aggressive actions, take a breath and think about the problem at hand and other options for solving it.
Options will vary, depending on the situation. Children's options are usually related to toys, candies or similar things the child wants. For example, the child who wants a toy could make a list, which might include asking to play with it, waiting for his turn to play, grabbing the toy or playing together. Younger children will need parents to ask questions like, "How can you play with that toy?" Such questions will help the child to think about options. After the child gives one response, the parent can continue by asking, "What else can you do?" until the child has three or four options.
Tell the child to about each option. For example, if the option is, "Ask to play with the toy," the child should think about whether that option is appropriate for the situation. If the option is, "Grab the toy," ask what will happen if the child does that? By asking your child questions, you teach her to question herself and think about consequences when considering her options. If she doesn't come up with any consequences, you can say something like, "And what will mommy do?" to remind her that you will take the toy away or put her in time-out. But you should point out that the other child might share the toy if she asks in a nice way. With these kinds of problem-solving techniques, you can help your child learn the process of determining which actions are appropriate.
The only way a child can learn how to determine which options solve the problem and which create more problems is by trying them. But parents should supervise children when they are trying options. Stop your child if the option is potentially dangerous. Depending on the problem, the options a child might try could result in accidents, injuries or pain to the child. Stop your child if he is doing something inappropriate or wrong and then explain why you stopped him. For example, if your child tries to climb on a chair piled with boxes to get something down from a cabinet, your should stop him and explain that he should ask for help instead, because he might fall and get hurt. Sometimes, you might need to give your child the option directly rather than allowing him to decide. Afterward, you can explain why you did and why another option would have been too dangerous to try.