Cooperative Communication Techniques

The Communication Wheel

• The Communication Wheel is a wonderful tool for minimizing conflict in heated situations. By employing the Communication Wheel's five steps, you are forced to thoughtfully examine your situation, leaving less room for vague interpretations and faulty assumptions. The five steps are:

  1. Data: The facts as they are, free of personal influence. (Did you just yawn?)

  2. Judgments: Your interpretation of the data. (I'm guessing you must be bored.)

  3. Feelings: Emotions you feel, or felt, about the situation. (That frustrates me.)

  4. Wants: What you want either for you, for them, for us, etc. (I want you to listen to me.)

  5. Willing: What you are willing to do to resolve the conflict? (What can I do to make this conversation more interesting?)

  It may take some time to become adept at using the Communication Wheel in everyday circumstances, but the outcome (less conflict, more understanding) is absolutely worth the effort. To view the Communication Wheel in full, see http://www.integral-focus.com/pdf/Complete%20Communication%20Wheel.pdf

Use "I" Statements

• There are "I" statements, and there are "You" statements. When using the former, you are showing that you take responsibility for a complaint by describing your reaction to the other person's behavior without making judgments. When using the latter, you are using language meant to attack, and will almost certainly ignite conflict. A complete "I" statement has four elements, which describe...

  1. The other person's behavior

  2. Your interpretations

  3. Your feelings

  4. The consequences that the other person's behavior has for you

  These four elements can appear in any order, and will help your communication be far less provocative when a complaint comes up. An example...

  "I thought I was being ignored (Interpretation) when you hung out with your other friends (other person's behavior). I felt lonely (your feelings), and that's why I left the party (consequences)."

Be a Good Listener

• You can be an dazzling, intelligent wordsmith, but if you aren't a good, attentive listener, you are only realizing half of your potential as an effective communicator. Here are four easy steps that will immediately improve your listening skills, not to mention your conversations.

  1. Talk less when not in the "speaking" role.

  2. Don't make judgments about the topic prematurely.

  3. Get rid of distractions.

  4. Look for key points to keep the conversation flowing.