Be patient. Both you and your roommate have left the comfort and familiarity of your childhood homes in order to reside with a total stranger in what essentially amounts to a tiny box. According to the Census Bureau's 2007 American Housing Survey, over 60 percent of homes in our country have three or more bedrooms. This means that you and/or roommate have most likely not had to share a bedroom before now. Learning to share a small space takes practice and negotiation. Be patient with each other as you work to figure it out.
Keep an open mind and don't jump to judgment. We sometimes give our first impressions too much weight. And then there are tools like Google and Facebook allowing us to draw conclusions that are based on inaccurate or incomplete information. Toni Greenslade-Smith, Associate Director of University Housing at Ohio State, told "National Public Radio" in a recent interview, that her staff says half jokingly and half seriously, "Facebook is the devil," because it causes students and their parents to make poor judgments about new roommates. At Princeton and Stanford, freshman don't even get to know the name of their roommate until move-in day. A recent post on the website, "The Daily Beast" quotes Stanford's new student handbook as declaring, "This policy is rooted in the belief that the relationship you and your roommate have with each other will be more positive and successful if it begins from the point of face-to-face interactions rather than being shaped by any preconceived notions stemming from limited information or online communications." Allow your opinions to form slowly, through many interactions during the course of the year.
Start a dialogue. Ask questions like, "How do you feel about sharing clothes? Will you be comfortable if I bring my date back to our room? Do you want our room to be the type of place where people hang out or a quiet retreat from the craziness of college life?" Listen and share. Addressing these types of questions early on will help lessen misunderstandings in the future.
Create a unified space. Your dorm room belongs to both of you, so don't draw an imaginary line down the center and declare, "Your side. My side." Instead, work together to create a space that both of you feel like home in.
When conflicts arise, don't run away. Instead, work it out, mediate and compromise. Remember, college is not only an opportunity to stretch your intellect; it is also a time to learn important lessons about social dynamics and human relations. As Charles Gibbs, Interim vice-provost for student affairs at Howard University, said during a recent NPR interview, "Our first instinct is not just to move someone because they can't get along. In life there's going to be times where you're not going to get along. You just can't run away from it or switch jobs." The more comfortable you become with meeting conflicts head-on and solving them peaceably and productively, the more prepared you'll be when you finally enter the big, bad, notorious "Real World."
Keep your parents out of it. It is normal for parents to feel anxious about their child's big leap out of the nest. Your parents are used to watching over your every need, making sure that you are happy and safe. If you find that one or both of your parents is overly concerned with the details of your living situation, say something soothing like, "I know your worried, but I've got it all under control. Trust me. I'm doing just fine." Getting your parents involved-unless the situation is truly dangerous-will cause unnecessary stress for you, your parents and your roommate. If you have a problem with your roommate, talk to your RA; don't phone your mom.
Take a walk, take a deep breath, take a shower, take time to chill out. Freshman year is a thrilling, challenging, fun, heart-breaking, lonely, scary and wonderful, nonstop roller coaster. On any given day you and your roommate will feel a variety of conflicting emotions. Finding healthy outlets for these emotions is essential to living happily together in your little space.
Be kind and considerate. Be flexible and forgiving because you both are certain to make mistakes in abundance. Most importantly, be happy and have fun.