Teach the child to focus her attention on the person who is talking. Speak to the child and wait expectantly for her to look up and focus her eyes on you. Do not begin speaking until you have her attention. If speaking to her does not capture her attention in a minute or so, touch her gently on the shoulder or arm. Do not remove your hand until she makes eye contact. If necessary, mute the television, pause the video game or otherwise interrupt any distraction.
With a small child, it may help to get down on the same level as the child. This may require you to sit on the floor or in a low chair. Getting down to the child's level is more effective than bringing the child up to your level. When you move to the child's level, it conveys that you are communicating with the child rather than at the child.
Once you have his attention, then begin to speak. State what you want or need in clear and direct terms. Maintain eye contact while you talk to him to ensure that he continues to listen. If his attention wanders, use verbal cues, close physical proximity or a light physical touch to bring his attention back to a focus on what you are saying.
Ask her if she has any questions or concerns about what you said. Give her ample opportunity to ask for and receive all of the clarification she needs. While she is speaking, model the same effective listening skills you are trying to teach her. Spend adequate time focusing your attention on her, listening and clarifying.
Provide verbal and nonverbal clues that communicate you are listening. Ask for and demonstrate the same behaviors to him. Require a nod, if no other response is given, so you are certain he is listening to you. Do not continue until you have received some acknowledgment.
Ask the child to review what you have said by repeating it back to you in her own words. Listen carefully and restate any information that was not correctly understood. Once you have restated the information, ask for a second review. Repeat this step until you are sure the child understands what you want or need.
Model the behavior you want to see. Praise the child for appropriate responses. Remember, your child will learn what you do most often, not what you say. If you want the child to effectively listen to you, listen to the child.