Create situations that require children to self-regulate. When an adult is present, it is easy for children to rely on the adult to monitor the surroundings. Give children the opportunity to learn how to behave when adults are not present by placing them in situations where they need to monitor their behavior. For example, give children a ball and tell them that the assignment is to create a game, complete with rules, and then ask them to enforce the rules of their game against one another. Although you should monitor the overall exercise, allow the children to work out any differences among themselves as long as the situation is under control.
Practice what you preach. If you tell your child to behave and then you have a meltdown in response to stress, frustration or disappointment, the child will be confused. Demonstrate the type of behavior you seek to develop in the child. This means that your mood should be controlled and situation appropriate. If, for instance, a child is not following rules, you should refrain from berating the child. Establish a consequence for the undesirable behavior rather than reinforcing it with negative emotional energy.
Provide tangible tools to children so that they can use them to resolve problems or to monitor their progress. Taking emotional self-regulation out of the realm of the intangible is important, because children, especially the youngest ones, learn best when they have visual reminders. Teach children to rely on resources to problem-solve, such as using dice or a coin to decide disputes. Such methods teach a child not to rely on his emotions to correct situations. Reward charts are also a way for children to track and reinforce their emotional progress. Allowing a child to earn and redeem stars for a treat of his choice helps demonstrate that positive behavior produces positive results.