Express your own feelings about grief, and how you handled it, if even for the death of a pet. This helps children validate their own feelings. Begin statements with, "When my kitty died...", or "When I was your age I lost my grandma too and..." then continue to describe in simple, familiar language how you dealt with it. "I remember crying myself to sleep...I was afraid that I might not wake up either..." and so forth. This also helps children realize how universal these feelings are. Avoid phrases such as, "He passed away..." or "She went to sleep and never woke up.. Young children live in very concrete worlds and these phrases only confuse them.
Talk about the beginning and end of the life cycle as it relates to all living things: trees, flowers, birds and insects. Talk about how roses bloom and then die; how caterpillars turn to butterflies and that they too eventually become part of the earth through decay. Talk about how life recycles, how decay turns back into earth and how earth reproduces again. Point out to them that death is actually a part of life as a result of this cycle. Seize numerous opportunities to discuss death as it relates to the cycle of life. Death will be that much easier to face if you allow your child to experience and embrace it.
Ask your child if he or she has any questions to ask about death or about the loss he or she experienced. Offer some questions that you asked in your own grief, or that you would be curious about, such as "I always used to wonder what happened when they went away," or "I needed to know if my grandpa was okay when he was gone". If you do not have a rationale or theological answer, just listen and be curious with your child. Answer honestly with "I don't know" if you must.
Offer a memorial or dedication to the loved one lost, such as a commemorative place in the house to place photos and mementos, or a special place in the backyard to light candles, place up some cherished items in memory. Allow your child to personalize it, for example encouraging them to place flowers there weekly, or burying a special time capsule containing special photos and other memorabilia. If religious, this would be an opportunity to introduce some rituals or traditions such as lighting incense or prayer vigils.
Create a special photo album with your child. Include pictures and video reflecting good times together, such as picnics, vacations, family gatherings and holidays. House them in an online social networking site such as Facebook or MyLife. Visit regularly and openly discuss the events and the feelings. Laugh and express emotions as if he or she were still alive. Keeping these memories alive will aid in the feelings of loss by allowing the loved one to live on. Touching base with photos and video are effective ways to achieve this.