Here's why and how to improve it:
Why it's incomplete:
* Missing a thesis statement: The introduction needs a clear thesis statement—a concise statement of the essay's main point or argument. This statement guides the reader and provides a roadmap for the supporting paragraphs.
* Unspecified number of supporting paragraphs: A personal essay might need more than just *one* supporting paragraph to fully develop the central idea. The number depends on the complexity and scope of the essay. Each supporting paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the thesis.
* Vague supporting paragraphs: A single supporting paragraph needs more detail. It should include specific anecdotes, evidence, and examples to illustrate the thesis statement.
* Weak conclusion: A conclusion should do more than simply summarize. It should offer reflection, insight, or a lasting thought that connects back to the thesis in a meaningful way.
Improved Structure:
A more effective structure for a personal essay would look like this:
1. Introduction:
* Hook: Begin with a compelling hook—a captivating anecdote, a thought-provoking question, or a relevant observation—to grab the reader's attention.
* Background/Context: Provide necessary background information to set the stage for your story.
* Thesis Statement: Clearly state the main point or central idea of your essay. This is crucial.
2. Supporting Paragraphs (Multiple):
* Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of your thesis.
* Use vivid details, sensory descriptions, and relevant anecdotes to support your points.
* Maintain a logical flow between paragraphs, using transitions to guide the reader.
3. Conclusion:
* Restate Thesis (Subtly): Summarize your main point in a fresh way, avoiding direct repetition.
* Reflect and Offer Insight: Share your reflections on the experience, insights gained, or lessons learned. Don't just summarize; analyze.
* Concluding Thought: End with a memorable thought or statement that leaves a lasting impression on the reader. This could be a powerful observation, a call to action (though less common in a purely reflective essay), or a lingering question.
In short, while the three-part structure (introduction, body, conclusion) is correct, the *content* within each part needs significantly more development to create a compelling personal essay. The thesis statement and the depth of supporting evidence are critical.