1. Nickname: Bud is commonly referred to as "Buddy" by most people, including his mother and other adults in his life. However, he dislikes this nickname because it feels impersonal and lacks individuality. Bud feels his real name, "Bud," is more representative of his true identity and sense of self.
2. Lack of Paternity: Bud's biological father is unknown throughout most of the story, and he has grown up without a strong male role model. As a result, he associates the name "Buddy" with the absence of a father figure and feels a sense of incompleteness and longing.
3. Negative Associations: The name "Buddy" has negative associations for Bud due to his experiences in the foster care system. He recalls being treated poorly and feeling like a dispensable number rather than a valued individual. These negative experiences have made him sensitive to being called "Buddy" and associate it with a lack of respect and belonging.
4. Desire for Independence: Bud's journey throughout the novel is characterized by his desire for freedom and independence. He runs away from various foster homes and embarks on a quest to find his father, which symbolizes his search for self-discovery and identity. Bud views "Buddy" as a name imposed on him by others, while "Bud" represents his autonomy and agency.
5. Personal Connection: As Bud learns more about his past and begins to understand his family history, he develops a stronger connection to the name "Bud." He eventually discovers that his father used to call him "Bud," which gives the name a deeper personal significance and becomes a symbol of his connection to his heritage and family.
Overall, Bud's self-consciousness about his name is tied to his desire for individuality, his search for a father figure, his negative foster care experiences, and his journey towards self-discovery and independence. Throughout the novel, he gradually embraces his true name and identity as "Bud Caldwell."